now that it's officially hot outside, my windows MUST be open during the night. Who knew having the apartment facing the street in capitol hill could be so entertaining at 3 am? While me and my male company are trying to sleep? Heard outside the apartment on Logan st. after midnight (some quotes from previous episodes, all quotes golden!):
-"Dude. I HATE waking up next to some chick I don't know! It's fucking nasty!"
-(as I hear tinkling noise outside window) "yuuuupp, drainin' the ol' thick dick!"
-(as someone falls spectacularly off skateboard) "thar she blows!"
-"Smoke some crack, slap my cheek!" (an improvised tune)
-(directed at annoying car alarm that won't stop) "Gah, you're killing my erection!"
-(as car backfires) "fuck, gunshots! Get the fuck down!"
-"heeeeeyy, sexy lady! You got some weed?"

Look forward to more 3am capitol hill quotes!

A few nights ago I meant to write about this party I went to but I couldn't because I was way too fucked up. The sad thing is that now I can't write about it in that same hilarious way I would have when I was having issues.
My friend from work, Mark, was leaving D-town forever so I had to see him one last time before he blew the popsicle stand. He invited me to come hang out at his place with him and his roommates and their coworkers from the sushi restaurant where he also works. I got to hang out with Japanese people and it was weird because it was like I was back in Japan but in Denver. There was a lot of beer involved, and also some sake, but then also some illegal substances in copious amounts. Way more than I can handle at this point in my life.
There was a hula hoop and everyone started hula hooping and it became like this 80's break dance circle, only with a hula hoop. This kid Makito started actually break dancing with the hula hoop and I remember thinking my life was not going to ever get better than that moment.
Later I had a hallucination that the dog, Eiffel, was moving in slow motion while everything else around him was moving in regular time.
Things took an unpleasant turn when I almost passed out riding my bike home. After that I basically couldn't wait to actually pass out, but when I finally laid down to go to sleep I got really uncomfortable. It was like my mind couldn't stand being in my body anymore, and I couldn't sleep. Whenever my cat touched me it hurt for some reason, even though she's really soft and sweet. Eventually I did fall asleep, and I had a hangover the next day.
Conclusion: While smoking that much weed can give you wonderful hallucinations, it's not worth it in the long run because it will hurt when your cat touches you. And drinking that much is always a bad idea.

Bought a car today. Exciting, isn't it? Here's the thing: some crazy ass shit went down. I didn't think things like this ever happened, because when you hear about them it's just like they're too crazy to ever happen. I'm here to tell you: road rage is alive and well, and terrifying and insane. Here's what happened:
After work the girl I'm buying the car from, let's call her Carlyn because that's actually her name, picks me up in the car I will be purchasing from her. This car is a piece of shit to start with, but that's okay because I don't care what a car looks like and I needed a cheap car fast. The plan is that she will drive us back to her place, we'll fill out the paperwork and I'll cut her the check, and then I will drive the car that is now mine home.
So we're driving to her place down Sheridan, near Sloan's Lake in what those of you who know Denver would know is considered an okay area of town. It's by no means the ghetto, but it's not far from Colfax so there's still some iffy-ness. An asshole comes up behind us, tried to pass us in the right lane but is thwarted by a slow moving convertible and becomes enraged. He pulls back up behind us, rams the car and then casually goes around us in the right lane. We're both like "what the fuck! did that just happen?" I wrote down the licence place number, but then he just let us follow him for a long time so we took down the make and model of the car, the color, and then eventually the description of this creep and his girlfriend.
Then he just happens to be turning on the same street Carlyn has to turn on to get home, and I think at this point he decides we must be following him so he pulls over. I don't know why I thought this, but I think "oh hey, he wants to apologize!" and Carlyn pulls up next to him and unrolls my window. But she's all angry (don't blame her at all) and says:
"Hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing!"
He goes, "what the fuck do you think you're doing speeding up when I'm trying pass you!"
Carlyn: " we're calling the cops, asshole! we've got your licence plate number and all you're information!"
Nazi skin-head asshole: "The cars fuckin stolen, you dumb bitch!"
I notice that his girlfriend has gotten out of the car and she's coming for me, but my window is rolling up all slow because it's an automatic thing and I'm panicking. Luckily it gets up in time and she starts beating on the window, and he's getting out of the car now and yelling, "I'm gonna beat your ass you nigger bitch!"
Carlyn drives off screaming, "you would beat up a girl you pussy!" and I'm proud of her because she so tough and I would have shit my pants had I actually been driving the car. We're actually really close to her house, so she turns to go home and thankfully he doesn't follow us. She runs into the house and erratically tells the whole story to her boyfriend while his small child listens to her string of bad language, and then she calls the police to report the whole thing to them. I waited around for awhile because a police man was supposed to come get a report from us, but they ended up calling and saying they were too busy tonight to come take a report. So I left, fearing that this skin-head hellbat was going to come out of nowhere and ram my new car again. But he didn't.
And the car, by the way, is fine and not damaged. I probably would have felt bad and bought it anyway, though, because who could have seen that one coming!
I have been thinking about this a lot, and I think the whole incident could have been partially racially motivated since Carlyn is partially black, but overall I think the guy was just angry because he couldn't get it up for his ugly ass bitch girlfriend.
I thought I better name the car after the event since it's so unlikely that anything like that would ever happen. Carlyn told me the car was a girl, and I had to take into consideration that the perpatrator was a racist jerk-off. So I decided to name her Ava after Hilter's girlfriend, Ava Braun.

I was so bored when I started this journal, and then I got not bored and my computer stopped working as well, or the internet did really.
I didn't even write to say I got that stupid job I was so worried about, so my life is back under control. Now I have to buy a car and I won't have any money again until I start working at NFM, as it will be referred to from now on. So maybe now I'll have time to write here again since I won't be able to go out and spend all my money on beer. Which is a bad idea anyway, I mean come on.

Why does britney spears always wear a wig and a hat now? Is she ashamed that she shaved her head? I thought it was rad, and now I never get to see it.

So it would seem I got banned from a live journal community for being too opinionated and not expressing myself correctly. I find this a lot more upsetting than it needs to be. I should just be like "who cares!" but I can't do it. Maybe it's because they totally misunderstood me. I wasn't trying to be a name caller, but I can see how it seemed that way. Specifically because I called people names. But I was mostly referring to myself.
Anyhow, I know they do this because they don't want a bunch of foul, beastly turd faces ruining the community for everyone. Still, I can't help but wonder if this isn't some sort of infringement on my right to free speech? I guess when you join a community you agree to their rules, which forces you to give up the right to say whatever you feel like. But it wasn't like I got on their and said "you alls is a bunch of slut bags and you need to douche more often." I simply stated that someone needed to get advice from professionals rather than live journal comment posters. They had a serious problem! Now, my wording have sucked, because I said "you should seek counseling rather than listening to a bunch of stupid internet hos," but I had good intentions. And before that my post was long, had lots of other good advice, was cohesive and well put together.
Man, I am so pissed about this? So what if I can't ever post to a community again?
I just feel like one of those celebrities who got fired from my job for putting my foot in my mouth. I mean, I think we all have a right to say something stupid and then explain ourselves later. It happens all the time, right?

My whole life has become a waiting game. Waiting to find out if I got the job that I now know that I will die without (so I better get it), waiting for a certain stupid boy to call who knows he loves me and can't deal with it so doesn't call, waiting to get off of work at the job I hate, waiting for the next day to begin. blah blah blah.
I swear to you that this is all driving me completely insane. I can feel my OCD creeping from the back of my brain- where it has normally be regulated to through the use of serotonin enhancement therapies- to the front where it beats on my skull and makes me want to shut it up however I can. I have been drinking a bit more than I normally would to shut it up, also sleeping more. But then sometimes it wakes me up and I can't take that easy little out anymore.
Luckily it's really just the obsessing, not the compulisivness. I do feel a compulsion to call certain people, but so far I have been able to avoid it. I will admit to one drunken text, to which he responded, but only in a half-assed way. I feel a compulsion to eat more, but that doesn't really have anything to do with anything.
Really, I just wish I knew what was going on with everything. Even if it was bad, at least then I could move on with my life. Apply for college or something. Make new plans. Right now my entire future is hanging in the balance and I have no idea where it's going. It's very uncomfortable.
I think I may feel the compulsion to masturbate more, too. But I'm really just over analyzing now.

Wasting time, I guess. Nothing is really going on in my life, or at least not today. I'm right on the verge of everything happening, and all I can do is sit here and wait. Tic-tock.
So what does one do while waiting for life to take it's course? A lot of internet nonsense, that's for sure. I went to Taco Bell with the ex, or as you know him Saddy Sad Face. That was boring. Man, can he talk. And I just have to sit there and listen.
Speaking of him, I'm afraid he's getting into me again... like he wants to DATE me again or something. It's hard to tell with him, though. It could be that he still just likes me and wants to be friends. Whatever. I wish he would call me like once a week instead of every night. And that's funny because he used to call me once a week and I wished he would call me every day. What happened there?
I hope he doesn't start writing weird messages in front of my place ala Samantha Topete messages. I can see it now:
"Rachel Carlisle sex maniac cum slug"
Or some such nonsense.
Today is the day Jesus arose from the dead and saved us from our sins, kids. Well, I guess it isn't anymore, but it wasn't. Nobody ever thinks it's odd that Jesus became a zombie.

I was just getting stoned at a friends place with he and his girlfriend about an hour ago. We used a bong, which I haven't used in like years, so let's just say I was high as a kite. I turned around on the couch to look at something and realized I was wiggling mu butt in the air, so I decided to wiggle it purposefully. Then I started singing "downtown!" and wiggling my butt to the tune. My friend started to laugh, which made me crack up like I have never cracked up before. And since I was being such a stupid idiot I laughed even more.
Just thought I should share that story with everyone. And yes, I do drugs. So what? I'm an adult. Bite me.

I had a dream last night in which I was at work at the art supply store. I was in a room where other people with more important jobs than I worked, but none of them were there. The phone rang, so I answered it, and it was a call that a customer needed me to arrange a funeral for them. But this was the other peoples jobs and I didn't think I could do it. Still, since they weren't there, I decided to try my best. I ended up putting on the funeral bash of the year wearing a black jumpsuit at a huge catholic cathedral. It went over so well that everybody else got fired and I was promoted to the position of funeral director, or as it was called in my dream "eugolyoligist." I was terribly happy in my new position, and my nest job was going to be putting on a funeral for Pope Benedict whatever the number he is. Because he died. In my dream.
What the fuck?

Thanksgiving, circa 2006. This message mysteriously appears on the steps to my apartment building, laid upon the cement in white sidewalk chalk:
"Samantha Topete sux turkey dix."
I am mildly amused, figuring one of Samantha's silly young male friends is playing a Thanksgiving prank on her. It didn't seem malice at the time because it was just so... juvenile, I suppose. Little did I know this was to be the first of many Samantha Topete themed impermanent graffiti hits.
Ever since then, about once a week, the same person with the same hand writing leaves this message, only with the word "dirty" inserted where "turkey" was. They also chalk up the dumpster with this cryptic piece of prose:
"Samantha Topete sour faced bitch."
Who is this Samantha Topete? And what has she done to cause someone to so passive-aggressively hate her? Is this lonesome and sullen antagonist 12? Why go with the impermanence of sidewalk chalk when you could leave a message that would forever ring true in krylon?

UPDATE:
I took a picture today so that we can all share in the continued phenomenon.

With this new love issue cramming itself down my throat, and all the happiness and fear that comes with it, I have absolutely nothing else to write about. But I don't even want to write about this. Not at all. It's just so lame and boring and trite. There isn't anything new to be said about love, there is now way I could find to be creative and make others laugh with this soul mate shit. It's all a bunch of hooey.
That being said, it's the most exciting thing to happen to me in ages. No wonder I'm so obsessed. It's pretty unhealthy, though. It's sort of stressing me out. My skin is getting splotchy, and I even found 2 new pimples today. 2! I feel drained and bored, like nothing I'm doing could ever possibly be as exciting as being with him. How retarded. What am I, 12? I know better.
How can I make my life more exciting so I don't have to think about him? I could make more origami. Drink more beer. Go and see that movie with my dad and brother tomorrow. But still, even as I do these things I will be thinking of him. There is just nothing to take my mind off of it. I'm completely fixated.
When I was 14 I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, duh) and started taking prozac. When that didn't work I started taking paxil and that worked much better. Within 4-5 I was almost completely cured of OCD, able to do all those things I couldn't do before because of my crippling mental issues, blah blah blah. But I never did get over my obsession with men, and my compulsion to fuck them and make them love me. For awhile there I was doing better- I believe it was an extremely embittering situation with a guy I didn't even like but had sex with anyway dumping me after we had sex because that was all he wanted from me. That'll cure you from boy craziness for awhile. But now I'm back in the saddle again.
Why is it so easy for men to be interested in other things while I sit around knitting hats and wondering if they're thinking about me? Clearly they're not. They're thinking about rocks and Star Wars and money. Seriously, how do they do that? I need that sort of clarity in my life.

I am more than happy to report that my fears of internet dating were wholly unfounded. I had a very weird experience in that my Craigs list boy that I decided to meet may very well be the love of my life.
Okay, seriously, I know I'm getting ahead of myself. But I inexplicably felt that I could spend the rest of my life with this man and be fine with it. I know I don't actually know him well enough to be saying that, but that's why I said I inexplicably felt that way.
well, actually, there is an explanation for it. I get along with him like no one I have ever met, ever. I have never experienced such an immediate connection with someone. I'm pretty sure we could just talk and fuck forever and never get sick of it.
The sun is bright and spring is in swing. Birds are chirping and mating, squirrels are chirping and mating. They're all watching me as I skip down the residential city blocks, whistling and feeling the wind in my hair. I probably look like a commercial. I feel like a commercial. here I am experiencing something that I had cynically decided didn't exist anywhere but fantasy romantic comedy world. That's why I hate romantic comedies so much! Oh no, what if I start liking them now?
Well, part of me must have believed, or else I wouldn't have let it happen. I just want to give everyone a hug.

I think I posted a few entries ago (I believe in the one entitled "I'm horny" and wasn't that a brilliant thing to post on the internet for all to see?) that I am persuing the routes of online dating once again. Now I've gotten myself in too deep, given some people my phone number, yada yada. I'm scared! This is the first time in my life my hormones have ever caused me to do something that has scared me, and I've even done the whole online thing before and it wasn't scary so I have no idea what is going on.
Well, a few times it was scary, but not in the "oh my god I'm gonna die!' sense but in the "oh my god please let this date end soon," sense. I don't want to have any more dates like that, but at the same time I feel like chances are pretty good that it will happen if I decide to go on a date with any of these dudes. Lots of people online date, sure. Lots of them are pretty, like me, lots of them are good people. But then you start thinking about "why are they trying to meet people on the internet? are they a total loser!" which is absolutely not the case with most of them but is the case with some. Believe me, I have experienced it. Some guys are all charming with their online persona, but then you meet them in person and they have nothing to talk about except for how they've never been on a date before and oh my gosh how pretty I am.
Or they just want to get you into bed and then kick you out of their house even after you sucked their dick and smelled their icky balls which had a bizarre funk about them (that only happened once though, thank god).
Or they think you're the right woman for them after one date when you were wearing a long sleeve sweater, and then decide they can never see you again after the second date when you wore a short sleev t-shirt and they *gasp* realized you had a tattoo!
Okay, so I guess I've had a lot of bad experiences. But let me tell you that my first online dating experience led to a 2 year relationship with someone I still consider to have been the love of my life (so far). Another time I met someone who I thought was going to be a virginal loser but turned out to me a virginal dynamo in the sack who had a lot of fun with for a couple of months.
So who will I meet this time? I will keep you updated, if I actually decide to go off the deep end once more an meet any of these geeks.

I know people don't really enjoy rants about boyfriends/ ex-boyfriends, and I had fully intended not not use this area for this. Well, mostly intended. You see, I just have to get this off my chest, and know you people aren't reading this that often anyway.
Around early February my boyfriend and I had an argument about how he's rude to people he doesn't know and I don't like that, blah blah blah you really don't care. For some reason this fight freaked him out more than any other fight we had ever had and he spent the rest of the month of February trying to distance himself from me, including on Valentines day and the day after which just happens to be my birthday. I received no presents from him, saw him about once or twice a week (when we had spent everyday together since I returned from Japan), and he was unpleasant to me every time I saw him. By the time March rolled around I had pretty much excepted that we were broken up, even though it had never been stated completed, and moved on. Well, by moved on, I mean set my sights on other people. I still haven't met anyone who actually wants to date me *hint hint*. I starting talking to him even less often, spending a lot more time with my friends instead of sad and alone waiting around for him, and finally started to feel happy again. I even started this blog!
Now whiny McFuckpants suddenly wants to hang out all the time. I found out from some of his friends that he's just been moping around ever since our fight and didn't want to hang out or talk to anybody. He did get a really bad cold, but I think he's just using that as an excuse.
He told me yesterday and today (because I talked to him TWO days in a row) that nobody seems to like him anymore and everyone is ignoring him and seeming like he has more important things to do than talk to him. I mentioned in this nicest way that I could think of that he had been ignoring everyone and distancing himself for over a month now, so they probably gave up him. Hey, that's what happened with me, right!
All he says is "I was sick!" but we all know it was more than that. especially in my case.
I have many questions. 1. Does he still think we are together, or that we will be getting back together? 2.Was he really so sick that it made him an asshole to everyone, not just me? 3. Is it possible that I am encouraging him by continuing to carry on this "friendship" with him, and even worse 4. Is it possible I think we can still work things out?
Even though I like spending time with him, and over all I had a good time hanging out with tonight, I am overwhelmingly angry with him as well. He expects everyone to stick by his side when he's obviously trying to push them away? He's lucky I'll talk to him at all.

Does it seem desperate to put profiles on the internet in order to meet people to have sex with? It's just that I don't really know anybody to have sex with in my daily life. Actually, I do, but they all seem like a bad idea for one reason or another. And I don't need anymore bad idea sex. But sometimes meeting someone on the internet seems like bad idea sex, too.
There is a mosquito in my apartment and it's biting and biting me. What the fuck! It's march 18th in Denver! This shouldn't be happening.
One time when I was camping in Japan I watched a mosquito land on my vulva and bite me there while I was peeing. It was really cool to watch, but man did it get uncomfortable fast. I didn't want to have sex for a week.

When one is intoxicated, every thought seems like an original and amazing thought. It's like you're some sort of genius and everything you think is just interesting and intelligent.
First of all, my cat is very interestedin my sock. Why that is I may never know, but I think it means she loves me.
I had a story published in Playgirl Magazine when I was 20. I just realized that I had not been dating Ian at the time, who was a genius without intoxication (although he was frequently intoxicated), I wouldn't have been able to publish that story. Not only did he edit the shit out of that piece for me, he taught me grammar from the very beginning. See, I went to this very creative school where they didn't think grammar was necessary for a good piece of writing. Sometimes true, not usually.
I knew 9/11 was a conspiracy from that very day I watched it happen on the news, but in a way I think everyone knew. Do you remember watching that? The news casters were like "I can't believe it! Now tower 2 is collapsing!" and it was just the most impossible, insane thing to ever happen on American soil. We all knew at that particular moment thatour own government had done this to us, somewhere deep inside we felt it. It was just that most of us were convinced otherwise when we heard what the government claimed had happened afterward.
And by writing about this I have been flagged yet again by the Government as a trouble maker. But they never do anything because I'm so dang cute.
I was riding my bike home and it was mostly downhill. I know, I was too intoxicated to ride my bike, but let me tell you it felt incredible! It was like I was riding the wind, relaxing and moving foward and the same time. Moving foward in time, and I felt it all around me in the wind. It was so cold, but that only helped to make the feeling more real.
All of this is what I have been thinking while intoxicated.
And I have to work tomorrow too. Whoops!

I hear a lot of girls talking about how they don't shave their no-no spots because it's too much hassle, not natural, makes them look like a little girl, etc etc. I've been trying to follow suit and just trim without shaving because, honestly, my skin in that area was starting to not look so pretty anymore. After, what, about 8 years of shaving it, I guess my labia decided to revolt. I've also been too poor to buy a nice razors, and I think it's pretty much a no brainer that you shouldn't use disposable razors in that area. Well... I ignored that advice.
Did I start shaving my pubic hair because I saw it in porn and liked it, or because it was irritating me? Actually, I think my stupid boyfriend I lost my virginity to suggested I try it because he was a pig. But then I liked the way it felt so much I just kinda kept doing it.
Sure, I've let it grow out before, but I always go back to shaving because it feels to nice. Not the actual act of shaving, you dumb ass. That can be kind of hard and unpleasant. But when it's done, it so nice and smooth... for about a day. Plus- and I don't know if this is just psychological or not- it increases my pleasure during sex to have all that hair gone! Really! Especially foreplay... it just seems like it makes things easier to find and mess around with.
I was thinking about it recently, what with all the growth I've been allowing, and I think my pubic hair is a lot longer than other women's. Not only that, but I think it's coarser too. It's like a really gnarly patch of mini dreadlocks, even though I take really good care of it! I even went through a period where I used conditioner in it, and it didn't seem to help anything. Nobody wants that sort of thing going on in their naughty space.
Am I the worst feminist ever? Should I start loving my pubic hair, maybe even start a pubic hair loving campaign for all women? Even if they are like mini dreadlocks?